wow, that's a lot of people!

Work story # 16

We have something called "Opening Day" that the school district holds at the beginning of the year.   EVERY staff member from EVERY school in the district comes together for a pep rally sort of event to get everyone excited about the new school year.  We have 4 schools, with approximately 200 employees per school, which would be a total of 800 employees.  He said to a teacher, "I don't know how we're all going to fit in that ballroom at the hotel.  There will be at least 5,000 employees there."

My internal dialogue at the moment: Wow, 5,000 huh?  Apparently math is not your forte!

But I don't want to lose my job....

Work Story # 15

He was telling me about a quiz  that one of the Administrators put together for all of the students during the 1st day of school.  The quiz contains questions about the student handbook.  He said, "I think it's a really great quiz.  I just hope the kids don't think that if they fail the quiz, they'll lose their JOB." 

My internal dialogue at the moment: hmmm... I didn't know kids could lose their JOB by failing a quiz they took at school about the student handbook!

e-mails....

Work story # 14

He reprimanded a teacher in an e-mail that he had carbon copied ALL of Administrators in the WHOLE district!  

Internal dialogue at the moment:  Well, that's one way to piss off a teacher.

The left hand turn....

Work Story # 13

He was talking to a teacher about making a left hand turn at a busy intersection near the school. He said "I'm always patient and wait before I turn there."  The teacher said, "I just never try to turn there" and  he said, "Yeah, me neither." 

My internal dialogue at the moment: Hilarious!  So, just so I can clarify...  have you, or have you not, made left hand turn there?   

Did you know i created that?

Work Story # 12

2 years ago I worked really hard to set up an automated answering system for the school, so that when parents called they could listen for different options of departments they could talk to and press the number to be sent through to that person.  I worked for about 3 weeks on making it work perfectly and most people in the office know I created it!

Yesterday he said to me, "I don't know if you were here, but about 6 years ago I created the automated answering system for the school." 

My internal dialogue:  Alright, here's the deal... If you're going to lie and tell someone you did something,  you probably shouldn't tell the actual person who did it!  Come on!

I love mediations... we apparently do them almost EVERYDAY!

Work story # 11

He was meeting with a parent and said, "Last year we had 83 mediations between students, and they were ALL successful."  

My inner dialogue at the moment:  Okay, there is NO WAY we had 83 mediations in 1 year.  We usually only have 1 a month (which would be a total of 12 per year!).  Besides, you can't keep track of where you left your soda, why would you be able to keep track of the exact number of mediations we had?!   Next time you're going to make a number up, try saying a number that's a little more realistic so you don't look like a total idiot again. 

Who's Julie?

Work Story # 10

A dad of one of our students walked into his office to meet with him about a discipline issue.  When the dad walked in, He asked the dad, "So is Julie your wife, or your STEP wife?"

My internal dialogue at the moment: Step wife?  Really?  How does that even work?